Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
