Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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