I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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