i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
