I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
