I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
