can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
