The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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