eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
