I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
