I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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