His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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