then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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