I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
