ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
