can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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