She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
