i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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