Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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