16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
