His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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