oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
