Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize