I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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