I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
