he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
