I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
