girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
