I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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