margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
