I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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