I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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