Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize