How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
