??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
