Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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