I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
