A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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