...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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