I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my being single is dangerous.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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