I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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