I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
