so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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