he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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