My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
