I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
