i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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