Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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