I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
