my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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