i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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