After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
