i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize