A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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