Fine. I'll sleep in my office
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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