I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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