i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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