i don't like sucking hair
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
