If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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