if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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