apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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