U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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